My little sister is engaged! Of course we all knew it was going to happen, but still, here we are. The date is set for 11/11/11 and my mother is already buried in a flurry of wedding magazines and ideas. You would think that although she has already gone through the marriage of one daughter-one daughter who, by the way, actually does this for a living she would feel calm and ready but no… She actually said to me, “Oh, I don’t know if those colors will work.” Amazing, mothers were defiantly created to encourage you and never let your head get too big all at the same time. Bravissimo mom, but I digress...

Having a big sister that is a wedding designer is rather convenient, but even I, older sister and professional cannot dictate some of the choices that must be made. Casual or formal? Indoors or out? Large or small? Grandiose or simple? These are the questions that each new bride is faced with and often times they have barley had the opportunity to let the engagement sink in before the race of finding a venue begins. For my sister Kate, and many other brides, some decisions are made simply based on personality or taste and practicality. For instance, by nature my sister is a “push the limits of fashion” kind of woman. (She glued glitter to her pocketbooks and wore heavy eyeliner before those fads were ever even thought of in Paris or Milan!) For her, certain venues are simply not workable due to their very structure. She is looking for a fashion forward, peacock feather laden type of event in which not one single rose will be found. To look at a garden venue would not only be a waste of time for her, but also for the ever hopeful venue manager. For some brides, budgetary concerns may dictate venue choice and many other aspects of their Big Day. From the get-go, my suggestion to brides is to be practical. Yes, this is your special day, but be careful not to set your sights too high, least you fall, and remember your theme. When faced with many different venue options, color schemes, flower choices and cake flavors, a couple can become overwhelmed and start making decisions just to get items ticked off the list. Push your personal limits a bit if you must but never go so far outside your comfort zone that you, a person who loathes the color orange, finds yourself surrounded by bridesmaids clad in the bright color because you watched one too many episodes of Million Dollar Wedding. To quote the Genie in Aladdin, “BEEEEEE yourself!” Remember who you and your fiancé are and created a happy “marriage” of the two styles to achieve a look you both will love.

Along these same lines, be sure to heed the advice of well meaning loved ones, but never forget this is Your day. I often comment to brides that for every opinion they have about their wedding, someone else has three more. A person (to remain nameless) actually suggested that my sister wear my wedding dress simply because we still have it and she is having a time finding the dress. Now, although beautiful, my A-line, champagne colored frock would look as ridiculous on her as I would in a leopard print mini skirt. My dress says nothing about my sister and only holds memories of my Big Day, which in truth was really not long ago enough for us to even consider using the same gown. Although well meaning, this suggestion was ridiculous and incensed my sister to no end. I reminded her that everyone feels differently about weddings the same way everyone feels different about pizza toppings or political parties or American Idol singers. This is life and with it comes an abundance of opinions but all-in-all it should be her and her fiancé that must feel comfortable with the outcome.

During the journey to the aisle a bride may change her mind many times and feel overwhelmed at the possibilities and choices before them. In fact, I have seen a bride change her entire theme 3 months before the wedding after reading an article and deciding she was on the wrong track-this is not a practice I would recommend. My own sister has been engaged for four months and has over a year to go and has changed her venue three times; however she has yet to place a deposit one one. Confusion of this nature is to be expected and, as long as the changes are not causing the loss of much money or delaying the course of events, are good ways to decide what you truly want. Now, having said that, it is best to get these changes out of the way early in the game to avoid the loss of deposits or the annoyance of every wedding professional in town. Do your homework and make informed decisions. If you have never felt any particular feelings towards sand dollars but suddenly want to stick them in every bouquet, boutonnière and centerpiece then take a step back and breathe. Is this real? Do you suddenly have a real affection for the dried fruits of the sea or is it simply a fad that will pass? Talk your whims over with your planner and use them as a sounding board for possible changes and ideas. You are paying them to not only keep you on track but to also remind you of your original ideas of the perfect wedding, you know the ideas you had before you knew that handing tying 1,000 ribbons to the branches of a historic Oak tree was even a possibility…


Brittany is the owner of Orchid Island Events, a wedding design and coordination company based out of Carolina Beach, NC. Orchid Island specializes in wedding planning for areas such as Wilmington, Wrightsville, Carolina and Kure Beaches, NC. She enjoys turning moments into memories on the Carolina Coast and invites you to gain ideas for your Big Day by visiting the Orchid Island website at http://www.orchidislandevents.com/

The Father Daughter Dance...A Dance that Lasts a Lifetime

Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor


Growing up I specifically remember thinking that my father could do anything. He could fix anything, answer any question, move heavy objects, and, most importantly on my list as a child, he had an uncanny ability to predict when the traffic light would turn green! As the years went on and I came to know my father as not just a Herculean god but also a human being, we grew apart and back together again many times. Through tumultuous teenage years we ebbed and flowed like the tide just trying to get the job done. As I become more of an adult myself, however, I began to see him in a much different light and realized that I could learn much from both he and my mother. Married at just 17 and 21 my parents have been the ultimate example of a “good marriage”. The night I came home with a ring on my hand I remember wanting to see his face first. My fiancé (now husband) told me he had lunch with my dad weeks before and showed him the ring, but I wanted to actually see what he thought. Overcome with the joy that poured from both of my sisters and mom I did not have a chance that night to really hone in on my dad. However, when the excited had slowed a bit a few days later, he sitting in his chair having his customary after dinner Pop-Tart, said simply, “It will be great.” Those four words partnered by the fact that we were the only people in the room gave me just what I needed from him. Of course I did not need him to tell me I could get married; it was just the basic recognition that he not only knew about it, but was confident in the choices I had made.

Cultures all over the world celebrate family ties and the role of a father figure in a woman’s life. A close friend of mine would often make comments growing up about her grandfather (who raised her) being the most intelligent person she knew. He passed away before she walked down the aisle but in her heart he was there and was just as proud as the day she first rode her bike without training wheels. Traditionally, the “daddy-daughter” dance at wedding receptions is one filled with tears and smiles as the little girl, now a grown woman, once again takes her place in the arms of the first man that held her. Memories of a child with pig tails, first dates and the occasional curfew breakage flash in the minds of those closest to them as the couple dance. As a planner, I am constantly reminded of the strength of this bond. Recently, needing to tie up a few loose ends on a quickly approaching ceremony, I called a bride to ask a few questions. The bride, who lives a few hours away from her hometown, was in town until the Big Day and I knew we could hammer away at some business as she is an all business type of woman. To my surprise, the mother of this fiercely independent and corporately successful bride answered the phone and informed me that her daughter was taking her last walk as a single woman on the beach with her daddy and she would call me back as soon as she could. Smiling, I hung up the phone and had a mini reflection session on the relationship that seems to transcend all personality types, income levels, education status and more. When I got married I remember seeing all my bridesmaids boohoo during my dance with my dad. In March, as a bridesmaid, I sniffed away tears as my best friend’s father gave her a locket engraved with the words, “Still my little girl”. What often sticks out most in my mind, however, was the reversal of roles that took place in yet another friend’s wedding about four years ago. As a child my friend and her father were not close. In fact, I would dare say that she and I both were a bit afraid of him. Ever the traditionalist she decided to stick to the plan of the father daughter dance for appearances and stuck to the world’s most appropriate song for any occasion, “What a Wonderful World”. We all smiled as the croaky voice of Louis Armstrong filled the air. Then suddenly something went terribly wrong; just past the ever so sweet words of “I see babies crying…” the father stopped dancing, clutched his daughter and began to weep-loudly. Completely unaccustomed to seeing this man show any type of emotion I was actually alarmed. Had she stepped on his foot? Was he having a heart attack? Had he been stung by a bee? Still confused any worried I rushed over after the dance and searched for signs of an injury. Dazed, but beaming my friend shrugged and said, “Well, he does love me after all!”

Marriage for a woman is a time of planning and fun for a daughter and mother. For a father it is a different scenario entirely. While he may highly approve of the match and while a mother will still miss her daughter when she is gone, I believe a father sees the ghost of the woman he married and all the newlywed mistakes that he knows his new son-in-law will bestow upon his bride. Ever practical, a father foresees financial hardships, arguments over the right way to load a dishwasher, and a little girl who is not so little anymore. So, while you are walking down the aisle remember these things about the man who escorts you. This is a fairytale for you but a bit of reality for him. He loves you and only wants the best for you as any good father would. Tread lightly for a few days; he will come around and you will be amazed at the man your father has become and you will continue to dance together for all his years to come.


“Hi Britt, I know you don’t have a signal in Mexico since you are on your honeymoon and all, but I just wanted to call. I am so happy for you and Travis; it will be great. I guess I just realized today that you are really married. Silly, huh? Mom says that I am a mushy man, but that’s what happens when you have three daughters, a wife and all female pets for 25 years. I hope you are having fun; I’m sure you are. I should take your mom some place soon; she would like that-….”

“Hi Britt, sorry, I ran out of message time. I have never done that before! I guess you still don’t have a signal. Well anyway, I love you. Tell Travis to watch out when you go out at night. Robbers can spot a tourist a mile away you know. Ok, I love you. Bye.”

-Messages from my dad three days after my wedding

The Bridesmaid...A Friend First and Foremost

Every girl knows it is an honor to be a bridesmaid. The matching dresses, the flowers, the chance to walk down the aisle as one of the chosen-this is an important role. Even as a child you feel the weight and great importance of the first wedding experience as a flower girl. Gracefully you drop petals upon the church aisle all the while knowing you are the preamble to a beautiful goddess in white. As an adult you are thrilled to have a close friend tying the knot with Mr. Right and even more excited to be a special part of her Big Day. You attend the first dress hunt as it is your duty to offer your honest yet careful opinion; you begin a fitness routine with the bride because strapless is a must and even agree to throw the bachelorette party although that means dealing with a horde pink decorations strewn all over your house after a night of mischief. These are your chores, your assignments to ensure a happy bride and an even happier friendship. You are honored, excited and motivated to be the best bridesmaid that ever tried on a teal dress! You are honored, excited and motivated that is, until you learn that the dress your best bud has picked out is not only more than your rent, but is also oddly reminiscent of Great Aunt Mary’s kitchen wallpaper. The shoes, which you vehemently agreed were “simply lovely” add up to a month’s worth of groceries and the chosen salon is located in a chic area of town that makes Rodeo Drive look like a superstore parking lot. Suddenly, this honor becomes an undertaking that seriously threatens to wipe out your 401K, make you look like a kitchen wall from 1972 and create a fear of walking because God forbid you damage the bright yellow stilettos that match the God forsaken dress. Slowly a resentment as big as the bow on the back of the million dollar frock develops for the friend you once adored. How can you make this work? Could you skip eating for a month or sell all your furniture? What if you decided that up-do’s are against your religion and you must settle for a simple blow-out. Or, against every fiber of your being and your upbringing, could you politely inform your friend that you just cannot financially make it work?

Whether we like to admit it or not, most women have faced a similar situation. Bound by a love that only a flowered dress could destroy, we strive to be the reliable friend, the girl that comes through in a pinch and the bridesmaid that will go down in history. The truth is, however, that often times a bride is so wrapped up in choosing a cake flavor that bridesmaid costs are the last thing on her mind. And although you are clearly special to her, do not count on being spared the hideous price. A bride wants what she wants and any attempt to sway her decision may result in a meltdown the size of Texas. Rather than going the “That dress is ridiculous” route, try a more gentle approach. This girl is your friend first and foremost; try not to forget that. There once was a time when you and she talked about life’s little up and downs rather than her new mother-in-law’s split personality. Remember those days? Attempt to get back to that place with her; take her to dinner or go on a long walk. Find the friend that you so dearly love and then try out the best motto known to the human race: honesty is the best policy.

Seated over a couple sparkling cocktails give your friend what she deserves to know and what you need to say in order to still be able to retire before you are 100…the truth. Although you may be looking for a magic bullet to avoid actually having the awkward “I cannot afford it” conversation, the best way to appeal to your once sane friend is to simply spill the beans. Difficult as it may be at first, a true friend will understand your dilemma and let you off the hook. To help ease the blow offer to help out in other ways such as assisting with the guestbook, passing out programs or even ensuring that the groom actually wakes up on the wedding day. Disappointed as she may be, a dear friend will appreciate your efforts to remain a vital part of her most special day and will eventually grow to admire your honesty.

Charming as this scenario may be once all is said and done, it is important to remember that along with honesty, timing is also an important piece of the puzzle. Remember the bride is counting on you to complete her vision of the perfect wedding so delaying the delivery of bad news will only place undue stress on an already overworked friend. Exercise the rule of carpe diem when approaching the sensitive subject to avoid an unnecessary blowout with a friend and remember to state your gratefulness for the invitation as many times as you can possibly muster. In a perfect world I would love to tell you that is a foolproof plan, but as we all know, this world is not perfect and brides are typically not firing on all cylinders. Keep in mind that the preservation of a good friendship is the ultimate goal and that even if you are have to participate by folding 200 tissues into roses at least you can wear a solid color dress and not end up living with your parents again.